And the panic attacks have begun

Okay, I have been awake since 3 a.m. this morning with nothing more than a very slight nap today. So we'll blame the panic attacks on that.

I was about to get ready for a shower today and I rubbed my belly and started crying. Scott immediately came over and asked what was wrong and I said "she won't be inside anymore. . ." :( he said that she couldn't stay inside forever (thank God) and I know that but my thought process at that moment was "but if she's outside, I can't control everything that happens to her. I can't keep someone from hurting her at all times. I can't control where she goes and what trouble he gets into . . . ((sigh))"

And did I mention I was crying. . . AGAIN? The really horrible part about the crying is that while crying is cathartic in most instances, it's not helpful to me right now. I woke up Friday morning with sinus issues and it's stuck around all weekend so when I've cried this weekend, I can't get enough breath through my mouth and all that happens in my nose is that snot accumulates and I wind up hyperventilating. Which I'm sure is great for the whole hypertension thing. And yes, I know you wanted to hear about my snot. . . lol

Anyhow, that was the latest panic attack tonight.